[JessFinds] Open letter to my family and friends

Dear Family and Friends*;

There is no tactful or polite way to say this, so I will just blurt it out: Unless you plan on sending seasonal clothing or travel toys ... please hold off on the kid presents until we are in our new home. I know they are darling girls who deserve lavish gifts that would embarrass the Hiltons and Trumps of the world. I know that you wanted to send the full-size carousal and the matching set of twin ponies. But we just can't pack a carousal and the ponies on a big moving truck. Okay. We could, but it might be a bit inhumane for the ponies. I am sure PETA would take issue with that.

To put it plainly... I don't wanna pack it. I would also feel cruel giving a great toy to my girls only to take it away promptly and put it on a truck for a month (we will be living in extended stay corporate hotel housing while our stuff will be living on the truck until our new home is ready for move in).

*Friends: I love your babies. I know you love mine. I would love to spoil your offspring rotten but this season is all about the move for us. You are off the hook!

We are planning a much scaled back version of Christmas this year.  Not even sure if we are breaking out the decorations as, well, they are already boxed up and it seems like an exercise in redundant packing.

• Travel toys are greatly appreciated as 4 and 6 year olds don't generally take well to being strapped to a seat for 7 hours out of a day while careening down the interstates at 80mph with two angry cats.

• Clothing - comfy! Soft! Gonzo loves pairing a cotton dress with legging/pants. Crab is all about soft pants and tops. Both girls could use some fleece. Gonzo is a size 4 T and Crab is a size 6. Adjustable waistbands are a big deal because as much as Crab loves wearing pants, the pants like falling down to her ankles. Gonzo loves everything and anything pink. Crab still likes purples and greens. Anything that coordinates is great for being on the road. 

So that is my tacky open letter. Thank you for holding off on the ponies this year (and the custom embroidered personalized saddles).

Love to all,

[JessFinds] Pack it up

We have a huge Home Depot credit after returning all of the supplies for home improvement projects that we will NOT be doing now. That credit is going towards buying all of our packing supplies - which is good because we are going to need a lot of boxes!

We are starting with Miss Crab's room. It is a little hard because her room was the first "finished" room in the house. I decorated it with such attention to detail and ... funny enough... it ended up not fitting her personality at all. She was not even 3 years old when we moved in and she thought princess fairies were fun. She still loves the light purple /light green colors but is definitely not a butteries and fairies kind of girl! Right after her 3rd birthday we discovered that she was a pirate.

Pretty sure this is the last time I saw her, willingly, in a tutu. Okay. Maybe not willingly.

Wall mural, framed out with chair-rail molding.

The tot-requisite IKEA leaf. I chose those drawer knobs from Anthropologie.

So I am slowly disassembling the room that I put together, feeling a little bittersweet about it. It has been slowly pirate-afied over the last few years to reflect her personality. The subversively placed dinosaur and light saber, here and there. She will get a new room and some input on how it is put together. She said something about sunsets and mice for her next room...(???)

I love that my eldest daughter has the soul of a pirate. She is an adventurer. She goes to her own drum. Does this look like a girl that lives in a fairy bower?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

It is okay. I never was a butterflies and fairies girl either.

[JessFinds] Holiday Gift Guides

Each autumn, I put together a Crave List for each of my children. It is both a wish-list and a gift guide. Admittedly, we do have family that go off the list for Christmas ideas. But more importantly, the feedback I have received over the years from bloggy parents and grandparents has been great. I am no expert, but I do love curating fun finds. Our Crave Lists (Marie has Lust Lists) are some of the highest repeat traffic areas of our blog.

There are very practical items along with crazy $$$ out-of-this-world ones (check out the pirate bed or cottage bed for this curated round!) I think of it as inspiration boards and ideas.

Note: If you are family and actually interested in the girl's stats... Miss Crab is a girls size 6 but has an itty bitty waist so we look for pants that are adjustable. Shoe size is 11.5 toddler.  Miss Gonzo is a size 4T and wears a size 9.5 toddler shoe. Parker loves all things purple and green. Paige goes nuts for pink.

I am trying something new this year and hosting the gift guide off-site via Kaboodle. You can just click the link to go directly or wait for the slide show below.

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What do you get a six and a half year old tomboy for Christmas?
6 (1/2) YEAR OLD GIRL - Crave List 2010

  

    

    

                      Six Year Old Gift Guide   jessfinds             

    

  

  

                          

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What do you get a 4 year old force of energy for Christmas?

4 YEAR OLD GIRL - Crave List 2010

  

    

    

                      4 Year Old Gift Guide   jessfinds          

    

  

  

                          

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What do you get for a really long cross country road trip with two kids?

ROAD TRIP - Crave List 2010/2011

  

    

    

                      Road Trip Gear                          jessfinds             

    

  

  

                       

[JessFinds] You flushed what?

Sometimes I think I might be too juvenile to be a "real grownup" with "parenting responsibilities."

This was posted to our bathroom door:

Translated: "No in go bathroom"

Hmmm. Apparently someone knocked the bag of teeth flossers (see picture) off the cabinet and in to the toilet ... with some escaping the bag. Then someone did their business. The flush then caused all sorts of backup on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Teeth flosser thingies, FYI: do not flush.

We have spent all day trying to fix the toilet and I am proud to say - with no help from me - it is now working again (thanks to the mother-in-law).

But I think the note should stay on the door for a while. Because that is just plain funny. My kid is a genius. I can just hear her thinking "Nothing to see here, keep moving!"

[JessFinds] Scenes of Halloween (2010)

Pixie, Kobold, elf and sprite
All are on their rounds to-night-
In the wan moon's sliver ray
Thrives their helter-skelter play.

Fond of cellar, barn,or stack, 

True unto the almanac, 

They present to credulous eyes 

Strange hobgoblin mysteries.

Cabbage-stomps-straws wet with dew- 

Apple-skins, and chestnuts too,

And a mirror for some lass, 

Show what wonders come to pass.

 Doors they move, and gates they hide, 

Mischiefs that on moon-beams ride 

Are their deeds, and, by their spells,

Love records its oracles.

Don't we all, of long ago, 

By the ruddy fireplace glow,

In the kitchen and the hall, 

Those queer, coofllke pranks recall?

Eery shadows were they then-
But to-night they come again;
Were we once more but sixteen,
Precious would be Halloween

-- Halloween by Joel Benton

[JessFinds] Sometimes things go right

So (to repeat) my daughter has been diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers (HFA) and may have some overlap with anxiety and attention deficit issues, but that will all come to light as we move forward.

Today I had the preliminary meeting with the county and our school district - lovely, lovely people. I explained our unusual situation and they all agreed to help get observations, testing and recommendations done by the first week in December if possible (!!!). Again,  lovely, lovely people. I also informed Miss Crab's private school that they will be having a child psychologist sitting in on a class in the near future.

Found out a lot about the education services laws. I am interested to see what Miss Crab's school will do. They are private and receive no federal or state funding, so they have no obligation to provide services (and  they don't offer services). I double checked this with the pros and they confirmed. We have access to a lot of programs locally because we are taxpayers. I guess we just have to see what happens. I have a hard time imagining them embracing the idea of a specialized education plan. 

I hate not knowing what is next, but at least we are on the right path.

Anyway - very nice, receptive and friendly team of people. I needed something to go right in the glorious month of Craptober. 

[JessFinds] Vote for Miss Crab

Title: Hot summer ... cool kid!

My daughter is one of this weeks finalists in a Parents Magazine summer picture competition. As of this posting, she was ranked #19. Lets pump up that number people!! Click here or on the link below to vote.

PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!!!

[JessFinds] Another Saturday Birthday Party ...

I love birthday parties for little kids. It is one of my secret shames. I know that I should be bored or at least act put out that we have "yet another" party to attend. I just think they are so much fun. With the exception of Chuck E Disease parties (or as we refer to him: Charles Edward Queso) I think kiddo parties are the best. And I love girl parties - they all get hopped up on sugar and squeal and run about like squirrels on meth. It is fantastic.

I happen to be on the neurotic planning side - witness my child's party being picked up in a national design blog or my need to recruit six parents to staff my eldest's summer party. That is my own person demon to wrestle with ... birthdays bring out my Martha. But I believe that any reason is a good reason to have a party.

I hope I never turn in to one of those people that shuns their own birthday. Rather than moping about it being ONE YEAR OLDER I choose to see it as WOHOO! STILL ALIVE AND KICKING!

I really enjoy observing my children socializing. Miss Crab really has come a long way. She goes off and does her own thing, but every time a child needed a ride partner at today's indoor fun park, someone was calling her name and holding out their hand. So sweet. They love her.

She won the jackpot in tickets at the arcade and chose - of her own accord - to buy a tiara for the birthday girl with her winnings. She used what was left over to buy a paper fan for herself and her sister. I wanted to scoop her up and cry, but I refrained from having a public meltdown.

I overachieved with my offspring. Just sayin.

[JessFinds] My First Baby ... Part II

When you suspect something is true for a long time and then get confirmation from professionals that it may be true, do you feel better or feel worse? The word (phrase) for the day: High Functioning / Aspergers. 


She is still the same girl. So that hasn't changed. I am still her devoted mom. So that hasn't changed either.


Okay. I am processing. I have done a lot of processing of late. 


And shortly there will be more tests. And more opinions. And I am glad for that. Because I don't believe in turning over one stone and saying I moved a mountain. So we will explore all of the avenues. There will be more psychologists, psychiatrists, OTs, IEPs, developmental pediatricians and teachers. Miss Crab is (in her own brilliant, unique, quirky way) actually pretty classic Aspergers. I am not a fan of labeling kids, but in this case it is going to open some doors. It is not a label if it is true, right?


The good news? She has amazing coping skills. She is scary smart. I believe she may have a photographic memory. She pushes her own comfort zones. Blah, blah ... fantastic, soulful, beautiful child and she is all mine.


The bad news? She is bored easily. Everything is black and white and we are a long way from solving her social issues. And we are about to throw some major transition at her. Did I mention in previous posts that Miss Crab does not handle transitions well? 


It is a start. And I already knew the answer. Hugs to all the parents out there who stand up for their kids and fight for them. We are band managers for rockstars. 

[JessFinds] My First Baby...

... is walking a big ol' beam by herself!!

Proud Parent = Me.

Miss Crab shows y'all how it's DONE, son!

Ok. Enough gloating. Miss Crab loves her gymnastics. She had a huge grin on her face the whole class. Life is a bit harder on her, but when she enjoys it - look out world! She owns me outright. Sigh. So much love.

[JessFinds] Sensitive Kids III - Montessori Adventures

You know when you get the feeling that "something is up" and you are not getting the full picture of a situation? I naturally and easily assume everything is kosher unless proven otherwise. But there have been some red flags with Miss Crab's Montessori school of late.

1. Teachers speaking very sharply to the students
2. Teachers speaking very sharply to parents, even talking down to them (one mom was reprimanded for speaking French to her daughter).
3. Really negative attitudes.
4. Refusal to assist or leave a paper trail with our issues with Miss Crab*
5. Becoming more rigid in expectations.

I knew for a few days that the kids were going to make applesauce on Friday. Fun, right? I thought it was a pretty traditional Montessori thing to do but a bit suprised because they have never done anything like this.

Then my daughter tells me that there is a "Special Montessori Visitor" coming to the class today and that all the kids have to be extra-good for the SMV.

Hmmm.

Methinks the school is attempting to get some sort of certification? Accreditation? Investment? It would explain all of the high anxiety that Preacher and I have been picking up on. I am so curious to see if I am right.

* And yeah. The Directress has refused our request for a note from Miss Crab's teacher indicating that she believes Miss Crab would benefit from some sort of intervention. Even though she said it, they won't write it down. Said "it is the parents job to push and push for any outside assistance needed."

Ahhh. Adventures in parenting.

[JessFinds] Marc Jacobs is a Genius

CocoPerez just informed me that Marc Jacobs has (finally) opened an online retail site. When I went to play (because I can't resist when designers bring it to the masses) I found this:

!!!

I can't really justify spending $60+ on a tee shirt for my rapidly growing six year old, but this is Miss Crab's shirt!

I so rarely come across girl pirates. It makes me so happy. Thank you Marc Jacobs, I am just happy to know that it exists. Call me when you get the shirt under $30. Thanks.

[JessFinds] Carnival Wrap-Up

Our Backyard Carnival for Miss Crab's 6th Birthday was great fun thanks to all the wonderful people who came (24 kids PLUS their parents!) and helped out...

[JessFinds] Carnival Planning Countdown

So much going on, my head is spinning!

Today, I will attempt to channel my inner traveling carnie (nomads, small hands, smell of cabbage) and attempt to build a bunch of carnival games that will help transform my carport in to a Midway next weekend.



No small task. One friend has volunteered her skills with chicken wire and paper mache'. This makes me giggle.

We have a ball/basket toss game
We have a Bean Bag toss 
We have a Strong Man / Trapeeze Lady "Photo Op"
We have a Temp. Tattoo Station
We have a Treasure Hunt (like last year only without the Atocha coin replica pieces of eight that Alan spent a fortune on... I went with cheap shiny plastic coins...)

I am thinking of some sort of fishing game? A ring toss?

We are overwhelmed with stuff right now. School is wrapping up today. I have been crazy busy at work but am forcing myself to keep normal hours for the remainder of my contract (all done on June 30!). I am planning this party for god knows how many children - we already have a good group though. I am trying to control the weather, not so successful with that FYI. And then there is the pending vacation w/o any housing solutions, the different flights, the extended trip, the summer camps and then OMG it is back to school. Spinning those plates...

It is all good stuff. Just too much of it. I love planning but my lists are starting to cross-pollinate.

We received an invite to a friend's home for a 4th of July party and I am so glad. I could not bear the thought of trying to organize anything!

[JessFinds] Sins of our Children

I love that my daughter is in a Montessori school. I love that she is way ahead of the curve academically. I love that it seems to be the perfect place for her social development. I don't mind that it is a Roman Catholic school most of the time. I have very strong issues with the RCs. Not my favorite version of religion. Still, she is a very spiritual little girl. But she handed me a card she made in school (with amazing penmanship if I might brag) about her sins being cleansed. It makes me want to throat punch people. My six year old has no sins.

Grrrr. Deep calming breath.


Just a hiccup in what I generally consider to be a great place. Perspective. Daddy is a Priest in a Holy catholic and Apostolic church - the Episcopal Church  Mommy is a non-theist. She will be hearing about religion her whole life, all I can do is answer her questions as holistically as possible.

[JessFinds] Party Planning Mode - Invites

So, this is the product (altered of course for general web audience) of me staring at photoshop for a few hours last night while Inglorious Basterds played in the background. I created it as a 5x7, so the resolution should be good. I uploaded it to a local pharmacy last night and will pick up the 4x6 photos today around 11am. Total cost: under $6 for 30 invites.

Take note: I avoided putting three sixes on the invite.

The quick-turnaround benefit of having the invites printed as photos means that I can get them in to her class folders before school is out today. Since it is a JPEG, I can also email it to local friends.

[JessFinds] June is a sneaky month

The June countdown has begun!

My eldest (Crab) is done with her Montessori program on the 18th. Then I have the feared "transition time" from regularly scheduled school activities to the willy-nilly chaos of summer.

My job contract wraps up on the 30th. I am truly hoping that it leads to continued employment in the fall. I really enjoy the people I work with and keeping my resume fresh while I keep myself available to my kiddos. In the meantime, I can't set up Gonzo with a school in the fall until I know whether I will be full time or half time or ANY time.  Good thing I do well with uncertainty.

We are going to have a faboo family visitation/vacay that has been almost two years in the planning for Preacher. I am already harassing my bestestest and dearestest on Facebook about planning events while we are out west.  I have lists of things that I attempt to do each time I visit. I never completely satiate my need for Pacific Northwest happiness, but it is a start! To quote Nick & Laura: "NO ACCENT."

Sidenote about Stumptowns: I have lived in two Stumptowns (1) Guernville, California (Russian River) and (2) Portland, Oregon. Captain Ainsworth is credited with coining the phrase ... and I got married at his historic home in Oregon City. According to Wikipedia, the only other two are Whitefish, MT and Matthews, NC. Maybe I need to spend some time in Whitefish? Maybe not. 

My baby girl turns SIX in July. We usually have a giant blow-out backyard bash in her honor AND as a way to kick off the summer. Not so sure we are going to do it this year. Still working out those details. Maybe in August? I want to throw a traveling carnival type of theme. Carnies. Small hands.

Still hoping to get some mid-week camping and a few oddball adventures in to the summer along with plenty of beach time with some of my favorite people. 

[JessFinds] Living Simple, or How I am Failing at Clutter Control

I just posted about one of my favorite blogs and then I swung around in my office chair, surveyed the room around me and cringed.

When we had Miss Crab, we stuck to a very simple aesthetic. She had quality toys in a limited amount. A few craptastic-plastic pieces that would go the way of Craigslist or a friend the minute she outgrew it. I swore we would never have the jungle of brightly colored plastic.

Gonzo came along, and we continued with this aesthetic although the volume increased a bit and we got a little more lax. Still - no jungle.

No jungle ... but a mess nonetheless. My children do not pick up after themselves. Hell, my family does not pick up after themselves. How did this happen? How is it that my eldest attends classes in one of the most orderly schooling methods (Montessori) and yet can't seem to put anything back in its place? Or that my youngest when faced with "pick it up or I will throw it away" will say "throw it away" defiantly?

Piles of crap. My house looks like a mini-episode of hoarders. No wonder I look longingly at design blogs! My children don't enjoy the toys they have because they are scattered, bits and pieces everywhere. Some upstairs, some downstairs, some in the linen closet (??).

What methods for culling the mess do you use? I am a unnervingly balanced left brain / right brain gal - ok, maybe a little more left brain leaning - and I wonder if that is where my inability to stick with a system comes from. Some things I love artistically displayed...some things I love appropriately boxed and labeled. I have a love affair with my label maker, closet systems and storage boxes. I also have a love affair with haphazard style, creative displays of found objects and eclectic travel momentos.

I need direction. I want to start tossing things until there is little left. 

[JessFinds] Paging Dr. Freud ...

Today is a very important day in Miss Crab's life. A right-of-passage if you will in this family. Today is the day she gets to visit her very first (drumroll) psychologist.

(I am dyin' laughing because right-of-passage is putting it mildly with these genetics. Sorry Baby.)

Many of you know that Crab is a pretty unique kiddo. She has always been wired a bit differently than her peers. Doctors, friends, family, etc.. have all thrown around words like "sensitive" and "sensory processing" and even "aspburgers" but we have not had any professional evaluation outside of her pediatrician. I wanted to wait before sticking her with a label, especially since it was not interfering with her development. She has hit all the basic benchmarks. Which is great - she is probably smarter than all of us combined. Academically she is on target. Reading independantly, loves math and science. She actively seeks out mathmatic games and work in the classroom. Clearly, not my kid.

We have been a bit concerned with her social development - again, quirky kid - and want to make sure we are not missing anything. Her teacher has recommended (and we concurr wholeheartedly) that she stay in the same classroom next fall. To some this is "repeating Kindergarten" but the way Montessori is designed, they would never keep her from learning at an advanced level. It will give her a chance to stay in the first cycle of Montessori (with kids ages 3-6) and become the top dog in her class, gain some confidence and hopefully come in to her own a bit socially.

So we will see where this all leads. I think it is important to have an independent evaluation as the labels get stuck on so easily in school. And my kid does not fit neatly in to any box I have ever come across!

[JessFinds] Report: Die-Die-Dye!

I tripped across an article online that led to more articles (and then more medical studies and finally to Web MD) about the impact of artificial dyes in children's diets.

There are kids who have dye sensitivities / allergies and will break out in hives, etc... when exposed. But then there are the rest of our kids.

My kids have been consuming an ungodly amount of those crappy anything-but-fruit gummies. MIL loves to buy them, the kids love to eat them. Multiple times a day. It has really ramped up over the last four months or so. They have no nutritional value. I was concerned about the sugar content.

I am concerned about everything. I have a heightened awareness of foods right now thanks to two years of avoiding poultry and red meat, my struggle with losing weight, my new nutritionist, my kids being picky eaters, etc... The nutritionist has mandated (I need mandates) that I take control of my kitchen, pantry and groceries. I have been a fan of Mark Bittman forever and love his healthy outlook towards food. I love the idea of sustainable eating, buying foods in season, supporting farmers markets and "shopping the perimeter" of supermarkets to avoid all the processed junk found in the aisles. As you know from my posts, I think Jamie Oliver is dreamy for attacking how our kids eat.

So I am committed to eating good food. Less food but better food. Healthy eggs from healthy chickens. No sickly meat products. Knowing where my food comes from.

Ahhh... but the kids. The kids want hot dogs and mac n cheese. And I allow it. Because if I didn't, my 5 year old would look like we were starving her. She lives on air as is!

Fortunately, they do love carrots and broccoli and edemame and whole grain breads/ pastas. So that is something.

And that brings us back to dye: It is poison. Plain and simple. It can cause reactions ranging from mild moodiness to outright sociopathic behavior. It mimics ADHD. It can cause sleeplessness and irritability. In other words, as if it were not hard enough to raise rugrats ... we have dyes making them behave worse?

Most European countries have banned the use of Red and Yellow due to their adverse affects on children and the UK followed suit. Us? No way. Pretty colors sell food.

So I am going to try something. We are going to extremely limit and/or remove all dyed processed crap from our home. And I will report here, what we observe.

As many of you know - Miss Crab is, well, already sensitive. And my perfectly happy Miss Gonzo has been anything but happy over the last four months. I wonder how closely that is related to her consumption of non-food foods. We may have reached dye overload. I am interested to see how this plays out.

Miss Crab asked me: "Why would they put stuff that is bad for kids in foods that kids eat?" How do you explain to a 5 year old that the food industry is anything but safe? That it is all about bottom line, not quality of food? Or that the people who make food targeted to kids don't really care a rat's ass about kids?