Tuesday, March 9, 2010

[JessFinds] Daughters

A nice walk on the beach before dinner - Gonzo and Crab with their friend K in the middle.

I love my girls. Uh oh. Sappy post warning. 

Before all other things in my very full life, I am a mommy. I love that. I wish I could go back and tell 21 year old Jess she is going to love being a mom and actually be really damn good at it. She is going to love being a mom so much that she will remember her life before kids with a sort of fuzzy nostalgia but actually wish she started having kids sooner.  And now she will stop talking about herself like she is not in the room.

I want my daughters to know this: I will do anything within my power to give them them a boost in life. Emotionally, financially, physically (Hey, I have two kidneys you know). I don't care if they are brilliant (they are) or beautiful (they are) I just want them to have an endless capacity for happiness. I want them to be filled with wonder. I had children because I was confident I could rise to the challenge of helping shape competent, productive, caring citizens of the greater world. It is true that I would settle for "is nice to animals" or "does not bite" on occasion. But the greater goal is there. I did not have kids with the intention of being done when they turn 18. Being a family means you are never done.

I want my girls to be able to protect themselves but never have reason to. I want them to know I will always take their side, no matter what. I also want them to know I am trying my hardest to be their role model. Boy am I a flawed example of the human species but I do have a lot of good intentions to pave my road.

I am also smug and self-righteous in my motherhood. I am ok with that.

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