Sunday, February 15, 2009

[JessFinds] Of employment, anniversaries and sundry other topics

My 11th wedding anniversary came and went. Preacher and I are in this oddly complacent place where going out for Thai food and Slumdog Millionaire seemed appropriate. I don't know why we did not go out for Indian food. That would have at least made it a theme night. FYI: I thought it was quite good and I definitely want the soundtrack. Some people call that a date. We call it an anniversary. We drive a minivan. We are wild... hanging head in shame.

I am looking for some sort of freelance work because I am officially unemployed! Mostly I want to take guitar lessons and bookbinding lessons and cooking classes. I spent the last 3 years in the land of communications (magazine editing, email newsletters, blog content, website content) and I am not sure what my next big thing is going to be. I want to apprentice to a bookbinder, and that does not help pay bills.

I truly enjoy mothering my kids. I have managed to keep my resume relevant for the last few years while raising babes too. I love being able to answer the question "and what do you do?" with something in my career field. I am not particularly good at being the supermom even though my friends would say otherwise. I put on a good show. Smoke and mirrors.

Mostly my home is a disaster area of one project begetting another. An explosion of kid and people messishness and clutterishness. I know about a handful of people who are allowed to drop by unexpectedly and most of them live on the west coast. I am entering year 2 of my purge mode. I swear I am going to sell everything! My kids are bathed and dressed but sometimes I forget to make them brush their teeth. Scandal. We rarely eat at the table. I don't cook as much as I used to or as much as I would like to. I still bite my nails.

I admire stay-at-home moms. I really do. I wish I had the endless supply of tolerance and nurturing that sahm's seem to have. I stayed home with my girls for the last 3 years only by working in a home office and it was rather disastrous. I felt like nobody was getting the best of me. Some of my best work got done at 11pm or when I would plop them down in front of Sponge Bob or Yo Gabba Gabba. And when people ask me what I do, I am never sure what to answer. I do everything, some of it very well. Some not so well. This will resonate with many sahm's, there are times where I just want to declare "I took a shower today!" and wait for the pat on my head.

So essentially, I am going on my sixth week without a job and I am already losing my mind. But I am keeping myself busy while losing it.

I turn 35 next month. All I really want to do is go on a Sephora shopping spree with RayRay. Lotions and Potions. Damn that Jennifer Aniston for being 40 and making me look like a wreck.

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