Monday, August 24, 2009

[JessFinds] I am NOT Lady Gaga

First - the trivial: It has been very humid and gross over the last week. Last night I took off my wedding ring (with effort) because my fingers are swollen and I need to clean it anyway. I normally have a very strong mark where my ring has resided for the last 12 years. I slept without it and this morning there is barely an indentation - either that means I have swollen up like a balloon or it is a sign that I am supposed to hit the clubs tonight! I am a free agent! Wooohoo! Either way, I don't think I can get my ring back on. Sorry Preacher. My MIL suggested I plunge my hand in ice water. We will see how that goes.

And now for something completely different: I tend to reinvent myself on the 5's (25, 30, 35) and for the last 5 years I have tried on a very different hat. That of mother and pillar of the community. I rock as a mom - I am a badass mama bear. Not so sure about being a pillar of the community. I still find that laughable.

It is just that I am, at the core, a free spirit who wants to go big. And I have not been going big. I have been mucking about in minutia. Treading in the tedium. Frolicking in the ... ok, you get it.

I picture myself as wanderer. A writer. A bit of a hedonist. A pursuer of interests. A passionate life. A mother that shows her children how to live fearlessly.

I have been a mortgage. A minivan. A split wood fence. A JC Penney catalog.

Can it be both? Should it be?

I need to get back on the career bandwagon, I have enjoyed my time off and clearly this is what happens when one has too much sun and time on her hands.

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