I found the solution to taking both kids to the pediatrician ... don't do it! Make the husband take them!
Both Crab and Gonzo had appointments to meet their new pediatrician on Monday. Gonzo was up for the 2 year old inoculations and Crab was up for the Kindergarten physical & inoculations.
I went to an art museum.
Preacher had all the screaming and bloodshed to himself. Lucky boy.