[JessFinds] Sometimes things go right

So (to repeat) my daughter has been diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers (HFA) and may have some overlap with anxiety and attention deficit issues, but that will all come to light as we move forward.

Today I had the preliminary meeting with the county and our school district - lovely, lovely people. I explained our unusual situation and they all agreed to help get observations, testing and recommendations done by the first week in December if possible (!!!). Again,  lovely, lovely people. I also informed Miss Crab's private school that they will be having a child psychologist sitting in on a class in the near future.

Found out a lot about the education services laws. I am interested to see what Miss Crab's school will do. They are private and receive no federal or state funding, so they have no obligation to provide services (and  they don't offer services). I double checked this with the pros and they confirmed. We have access to a lot of programs locally because we are taxpayers. I guess we just have to see what happens. I have a hard time imagining them embracing the idea of a specialized education plan. 

I hate not knowing what is next, but at least we are on the right path.

Anyway - very nice, receptive and friendly team of people. I needed something to go right in the glorious month of Craptober. 

(MarieFinds) Of Upheaval and Big Change

As most of my friends can attest, I'm not much for change. I find jobs and stay in them. I have a routine. My kids have routines. I like my life that way, thankyouverymuch.

I've been pink slipped. Fired. Laid off. Let go. Terminated. "thankyouverymuchforyourtimeandeffoert." "Itsnotyouitsus." Gah. Like most industries, in mine, client loss = job loss. The math makes sense. It really isn't personal. Except the consequences are personal. They are actually being great about it. 30 days notice. 2 weeks severance. They owe me 8 days of vacation pay. All in all, I get over 7 weeks of pay while I job hunt and wrap up clients. And then there is unemployment.

Before that, hopefully there is a job. Because blogging and momming doesn't pay the bills. Especially not the frequency with which I post.

I fret. And then I say we will be OK. And then I fret. And then the Lawyer says we will be OK. And then I kiss my kids. And wonder how many days a week I can keep Squirrel in her Mandarin pre-school. And then I say we will be OK.

[JessFinds] The Highly Sensitive Child

My eldest, Miss Crab, is a pretty typical Highly Sensitive Child (HSC). She has been my little puzzle from the day she was born. I have always described her like an exposed nerve. Everything is bigger, brighter, louder and stranger than it is to the rest of us. Add the redhead gene, and it means she feels pain stronger than any of us too. So not fair. On the other hand, she is delightful. Intuitive, gentle and smart as a whip.

She was the most colicky baby any of my friends or family had ever encountered.  I remember reading the definition of colic at the time (unexplained crying for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week) and lasting up to 3 months of age. I laughed. Try 12 hours a day, every day until age 18 months. I nearly lost my mind!

The 5(+) years of night terrors have subsided. We lived through it. The sleep studies were nightmares in themselves and the "lead doctor in the field" said she had only seen a dozen kids with Miss Crab's extremity. They recommended putting my 4 year old on benzos (xanex, klonopin). Um...now do I say this nicely? NO. If you are a parent dealing with night terrors, I give you a big blog hug. Send me a message.

Preschool was okay. She made friends and quirky kids are pretty normal in preschool.

Kindergarten. Sigh. The transition from preschool to kindergarten has highlighted a lot of problems that are going to require intervention. We have Miss Crab with a very nice psychologist who has come up with a few new ideas but who I pretty much view as my portal to getting help from other professionals.

We are in year II of Montessori Kindergarten and I was just told that there are "issues" that need addressing. My husband and I will be meeting with her teachers to talk about what is going on. I feel constantly on the defensive about my daughter. I know how well she functions and it makes me sad that she does not function well in a traditional school setting (or even at times in her Montessori school setting).

Miss Crab does not want to draw attention to herself at all, but many of her protective mechanisms - unfortunately - draw attention. She draws up her shoulders, brings her arms in tight to her side, puts her hands up high on her chest in a "begging" position. We call this her "T-Rex." She does this when nervous or stressed.

Age six has been good in many ways. She is able to use her coping mechanisms and she can verbalize a lot of her anxiety. She is becoming this amazing kid - game to try out new things, great sense of humor, very caring. In some ways, she is perfection. I could not imagine her being anything but the way she is. I just wish I could make her path easier, because lots of people are going to find her problematic and try to put her in boxes.


Resources:
I have complied a list of fantastic books that have helped us in our journey.




The above book is amazing - I had no idea that there were other kids out there like my daughter!

Yahoo Groups has a great board for parents with HSC's. I cannot say enough good things about this group. SO supportive.  It is called HSCBook.

[JessFinds] Thinking ahead and training bras

Very good experience with the new doctor du jour (see previous posting). She seems like a great resource, close to home. She was very good with Miss Crab and said she will do some Occupational Therapy research for us. We may do some independent testing once we have her evaluated by an OT.

In the meantime, it is business as usual! We have been asked to list out many "behaviors" that concern us and rank them on a 1-5 scale. I totally understand the exercise, but would anyone else feel like a schmuck writing down all the things that they find frustrating about their kid and ranking them? Let's just hope she never finds that list because I can't afford a lifetime of therapy! Delete. Delete. Delete.

Today, someone asked me a very good question: Are you looking for a diagnosis?

The only answer I had was a no-yes-not sure. Logically, I don't think anything changes about your child once you have a diagnosis, the kid is still the same kid. A diagnosis would mean that there is a name for our "unique situation" and that people have been down our path before, which means that there might be tools and plans of action. So that could be good. And then there is the big-bad (thanks Buffy) label of a scary diagnosis, that label that kills some of your hopes and opens up a lifetime of extra hard work. I will admit fear of those labels.

No diagnosis could be good too, especially if we are doing things right and maybe could get some new tools along the way to help her with her sensitivities, her speech and her shyness.

Either way, something is up. My mama bones have known it from day one. I think that "something" is currently mild in the big picture of things. My concern is that we ignore "something" and it becomes a "big something."

The doctor presented this situation to me: A child who is particular about their clothing and refuses to wear anything perceived as scratchy is one thing. [I do not make clothing a battleground] What happens when that child does not outgrow it, becomes a young adult and needs to wear a bra?

Yeah. I hate thinking long-term too. Especially about my kid and a bra. Shudder.